right person, wrong time
Sometimes, I feel like song lyrics describe how I'm feeling.
Recently, the opening of Your Graduation by Modern Baseball has been playing repeatedly in my head. More specifically, "It's been three whole years of me thinking about you everyday; sometimes for hours, sometimes in passing." While the song is a whole rollercoaster about losing someone you used to hold dearly in your heart, the beginning lines keep playing because there was this girl I spent a good portion of the summer (and my first block of medical school) talking to daily. And she sometimes visited me.
It makes me sad that we saw each other often in the summer and as I struggled adapting to medical school, and now I won't be able to see her until the colder weather starts. Every time I she did visit me, it always felt like a dream. The food we had was good. She chose every place we ate at, and they all turned out amazing. I overslept often with the hugging and cuddling. But now, she is no longer in the US and won't ever be returning.
I think about her daily, often, even during the most inappropriate times, like during my three hours, 125 questions exams. I think I'm just trying to make it to autumn, when my school will have a weeklong break, and I could visit her at her new place. She's been overwhelmed with settling there, and I've unfortunately been busy with the new academic block starting, but I have just been updating her with random stuff that happens during the day and wishing her a goodnight.
She did admit that she liked me but she knew it wouldn't work out since my future is uncertain with the military contract I signed, and she's in another country anyways. While long distance is possible, I just don't think we're the people who could make it work. She thinks I deserve someone better and that I would be able to find someone else easily. I don't know. I've had a lot of bad luck with dating. I keep thinking that maybe she is the right person, just met at the wrong time. Maybe in another life, things would have been different and worked out.